


Alive

by Rookblonkorules



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Aftermath, Angst, Armin Arlert-centric, Flashbacks, Friendship, Gen, Introspection, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Protective Mikasa Ackerman, survivor's guilt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-27
Updated: 2020-04-27
Packaged: 2021-03-02 04:21:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,688
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23868940
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rookblonkorules/pseuds/Rookblonkorules
Summary: Eren is back, but Armin still can't shake the memory of him being eaten alive.Mikasa understands.
Relationships: Armin Arlert & Eren Yeager, Mikasa Ackerman & Armin Arlert, Mikasa Ackerman & Armin Arlert & Eren Yeager
Kudos: 46





	Alive

**Author's Note:**

> My brother recently introduced my to this show, which is his favorite anime. It's borderline too gory for me (I lowkey think he was trying to traumatise me honestly) but I love it. It's like Aliens for me. Satisfies my occasional horror craving, while providing an incredible cast of characters. I adore everyone- though Armin in particular I love to bits.  
> I'm tentatively posting this. I'm still unsure about my characterisations, so this is sort of exploratory. I'm still not certain I've got the characters' voices quite right- particularly Mikasa's. I apologise for anything that seems amiss.  
> Rated T for mentions of gore, but nothing graphic. Takes place during season 1, episode 11.

It all felt like a dream.

Eren was dead, gone- _eaten-_ and now he wasn't.

It was like one of those nightmares.

Everyone you loved, gone and dead, only to wake up and realize it wasn't true. They were all still here.

Except, in this world, you were just as likely to wake up and find them dead and yourself soon to follow.

Maybe Armin wouldn't have had as hard a time believing it if he hadn't seen Eren die right before his eyes.

If it had been somebody else, he could pretend they had been mistaken.

That it hadn't really been Eren who died, but someone else entirely.

Except Armin himself had seen it.

No, that wasn't right.

Not entirely.

Because he hadn't really seen Eren die.

Eren had still been alive the last time Armin had seen him. He'd been bloodied, leg bitten off at the knee, his hand still reaching out for Armin's.

The hand that was severed when the Titan's jaws slammed shut, the crunch of bone drowned out by the sound of Armin's own screams.

And then, inexplicably, the Titan had left. Walked away with Armin still on the roof, still covered head to toe in disgusting slime.

Alive.

Alive because Eren had saved him.

And all he could think about was that it should have been him.

Their places should have been switched.

But then the aberrant had appeared and Armin had watched Eren Yeager tear himself from the creature's flesh.

He had watched, too stunned at first to move, as Mikasa clung to him.

He'd finally joined her, pressing his own trembling hand against Eren's limp one. He'd wrapped his fingers around Eren's hand and felt Eren squeeze back.

Suddenly, selfishly, Armin had felt less guilty for being alive.

Because when it came down to it, Armin didn't think there was much he could offer to humanity.

Unlike Eren.

The severed arm had grown back but the fabric of his sleeve that was still torn and jagged where the Titan's teeth had ripped through told Armin one important detail.

_It hadn't been a dream._

Eren had saved him and, as a result, had been eaten.

Armin had been the last survivor out of a group of six.

Eren who _was_ the aberrant. Eren who was a _Titan_ , however that worked.

However that was possible.

It was still too soon to know how what was left of humanity would react.

 _Not well,_ he guessed with a grimace.

He himself was a Heretic. He knew how people treated those who were different. People who thought differently.

Eren went beyond different.

Armin knew that to some it wouldn't matter that Eren had been the reason their group had made it back to the HQ unmolested.

That he would now be the reason they could retake Wall Rose if all went well.

Commander Pyxis was still speaking to the masses, his voice echoing like a bullhorn.

Armin himself stood at attention several yards behind the man.

Eren and Mikasa stood on either side of him.

If Armin stepped only an inch to the right, he would brush shoulders with Eren.

He was standing tall, eyes on the commander.

Alive and whole.

That didn't change what he still saw every time he closed his eyes.

Armin couldn't control the shudder that ran down his whole body.

"Armin?" The soft voice at his side made him flinch before he could help it.

Mikasa's strong hand is on his shoulder, letting him feel the weight of her presence.

It's subtle enough that no one should be able to see- no one would notice his moment of weakness.

He appreciated that.

Mikasa kept her head up, face forward, but he knew she was side-eying him all the same.

"I'm fine," he whispered, throat threatening to close in his shame. At least his voice managed to remain somewhat steady.

He knew that there was no way the denial would fool her, but she wouldn't disrupt the commander's speech to confront him and so he was safe.

For now.

Too late, Armin realized Eren had taken notice too. But it would have been unrealistic to expect otherwise, especially standing so close together.

But it was like Eren had a sixth sense, telling him when something wasn't right with one of them. He would have realized regardless.

Hadn't the aberrant shown up when Mikasa was in danger? He had protected her- protected all of them.

"Armin?" Eren's voice was louder, less subtle, and Armin wanted to wince.

One of the soldiers sent them a look, but they didn't seem to have attracted much attention.

Small comforts.

Eren wasn't about to let anything slide.

Armin hunched his shoulders.

"I'm fine," he said again.

If he had been unconvincing with Mikasa, he sounded even more so now.

Eren's eyebrows drew downward. "No, you're not," he said flatly. "What…"

But Armin was saved from any sort of questioning when the commander eyed the three of them. His speech had ended and the three of them had been too caught up to notice it.

"Is something wrong?"

Face flushed with heat and yet relieved all the same, Armin snapped to attention, spine straight and shoulders back, fist pressed to his heart.

On either side of him, Eren and Mikasa did the same.

"No, sir!"

Pyxis' eyes swept over them appraisingly.

Armin felt a chill sweep down his spine. He knew what was being asked of them- he had been the one to suggest it after all.

But he would be lying if he said the idea of going back down there to essentially be little more than Titan fodder didn't terrify him to his core.

He couldn't imagine how it must feel to be Eren right now.

So many people were going to die to ensure Eren's success.

If he failed…

No. Armin refused to let himself think about that.

He wouldn't allow himself to lose faith in Eren. Eren would face enough doubt without adding Armin's on top of it.

"Eren Yeager."

Eren jerked straighter if it was at all possible.

"Yes, sir?"

Pyxis inclined his head to the side.

"Come with me."

Eren glanced at Mikasa and Armin. There was just a flicker of uncertainty- the same question Armin was feeling reflected back at him.

It was there and gone in an instant, but if Armin saw it, then Mikasa did too.

But then Eren squared his shoulders with a, "Yes, sir," and marched off to follow him.

Mikasa shifted and Armin noticed the way her hands flexed down by her side, but there was nothing threatening about the man's demeanor. No reason for her to move.

Armin figured he probably wanted to talk to Eren a bit more about their plan. About his… ability.

Not that Armin could blame him.

If their positions were flipped, he would want to know more too he was sure.

Armin exhaled softly, feeling his heart clench up with anxiety, and prayed that he wasn't about to watch Eren go to his death yet again.

 _No,_ he thought, watching him. Eren wouldn't die. He didn't come back from the dead just to die again.

That wasn't Eren.

"You're remembering, aren't you?"

Mikasa's voice startled him and he flinched, remembering belatedly that she was still here.

_This is no time to be getting sentimental._

He remembered she had told him on the roof, even as he had trembled from the horror and shock of it all, and he had wondered how she could compose herself so well.

But then he remembered the way she had clung to Eren's unconscious body after he had emerged from the Titan's husk, the way her wails had pierced the air, and he knew her grief had run just as deep.

If not deeper.

And she still worried for him.

Guilt had his bottom lip trembling and he looked away.

"Armin?"

Mikasa stepped a little closer and Armin's breath shuttered out of him.

"Yes," he breathed and he closed his eyes tight.

It was hard- so hard- to shut those images out of his head. No matter how much he wished otherwise, he'd remember that last sight of Eren for the rest of his life.

Though admittedly, that might be short.

_He didn't want to die._

_But he hadn't wanted his continued living to be at the price of Eren's life._

Eren being back didn't change that.

When he opened his eyes again, Mikasa was looking at him. Her face was soft, gentle.

"When you told me this was no time to be sentimental," he whispered, without having had any intention of speaking the words out loud, "I wondered how you could be so calm when… when…" His voice shook and he discontinued the sentence.

_He'd wondered how she could be so calm when all he could see was Eren reaching for him, when all he could hear was that powerful crack of jaws slamming shut._

"But I realized… you were hurting just as much."

Mikasa grimaced and turned her eyes away.

Armin followed her gaze to where Eren stood with General Pixus.

His back was to them, but he turned to look over his shoulder. He offered them a reassuring smile and Armin's heart did a flip-flop in his chest..

"I don't want to see him die again," he said softly.

"If you don't fight, you can't win."

"Huh?" Wide-eyed, Armin returned his attention to her, but she wasn't looking at him. Her eyes were on Eren and she was smiling one of her rare smiles, small and fond.

"Something Eren told me once."

Her hand found his shoulder and tightened in a comforting grip. Without thinking, he had reached up to wrap his fingers around hers, giving comfort as much as accepting it.

"You can't win if you don't fight," she repeated and something in that resonated within him.

Her fingers twitch, grasping his a little tighter.

"We fight." She was speaking so low now that Armin thought it was likely she was speaking to herself. "We win."

Armin's voice was thick when he finished the thought for her.

"Eren doesn't die.


End file.
